We miss you Jonathan and think of you all the time. The LORD in time surely heals. Our family is growing in the LORD in maturity and healing from the loss of Jonathan. We are increasing in emotional and spiritual health trusting in the LORD for his goodness. Having been blessed with another son, we miss Jonathan in a different way than before. When we hold Adam and spend time with him, we have a feeling of what it is like to have a son and cherish in a sweet way what it would have been like to nurture Jonathan. God has flourished our family, but there is still that feeling of someone missing that can never be replaced. We look forward to being reunited with you Jonathan in our glorified bodies with the LORD. Until then, we await and yearn to be with Jesus and our son as the Scriptures say:
Romans 8:23
And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Jonathan is a Big Brother
The Lord graciously gave us another baby boy.
Adam Drew Edwards
Born May 7, 2009 at 8:48pm
8 lbs and 11 oz and 21 - 1/2" long.
Praise the Lord for His wonderful gift! His lovingkindness is everlasting!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Happy Birthday, Jonathan!
Today, Jonathan has been in the Lord's arms for 1 year. Talking about time spent with the Lord seems irrelevant as He surpasses all measures of time and space, but that's all we earthly creatures have to go by.
Wow, we've come a long way in 12 months, praise God! My thoughts these days are spent more on thinking of Jonathan in his perfect state and perfectly cared for in Heaven. Lately, I've been thinking how gracious it was for Jonathan not to have to experience the pain he would have in this world, and I am thankful for that now. So, although we miss him every day and the wounds aren't completely healed (never will be), today we celebrate his life. His soul still lives, so today he is 1...not, he would've been 1...he is 1 year old.
Jonathan will be a big brother in early May! We are praising God and so thankful that He has blessed us with a healthy pregnancy. His timing is always perfect, and I can say that carrying life in my womb is really helping me cope during this difficult time of year. Lord willing, we will hold another precious blessing in our arms come spring.
Wow, we've come a long way in 12 months, praise God! My thoughts these days are spent more on thinking of Jonathan in his perfect state and perfectly cared for in Heaven. Lately, I've been thinking how gracious it was for Jonathan not to have to experience the pain he would have in this world, and I am thankful for that now. So, although we miss him every day and the wounds aren't completely healed (never will be), today we celebrate his life. His soul still lives, so today he is 1...not, he would've been 1...he is 1 year old.
Jonathan will be a big brother in early May! We are praising God and so thankful that He has blessed us with a healthy pregnancy. His timing is always perfect, and I can say that carrying life in my womb is really helping me cope during this difficult time of year. Lord willing, we will hold another precious blessing in our arms come spring.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Feeling good...for the most part :)
I just want everyone to know that we're doing well. Life has been so busy, there hasn't been much time to blog. But for all of you who are far from us, please know that God is really healing our hearts and mending our family.
"God is good. His steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."
Psalm 100:5
"God is good. His steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."
Psalm 100:5
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A Timy Glimpse of What He's Doing
God has really been showing me my fears. Sure, they're all the normal fears most people have, but I never acknowledged they were there before. I'm afraid of something happening to the girls, but most of all I'm afraid of losing my own health and ultimately death. Birthing Jonathan as a stillborn baby forced me to, literally, come face to face with death.
All of the anxiety filled days and panic attacks have had an underlying theme. When I look deeper and really listen to why I'm feeling anxious or what started the panic attack, it is always thoughts of losing my health, which always lead to death. I had to ask myself why I was so afraid of dying. I'm a believer and I know the promises God has for me, for everlasting life in Heaven, and on the New Earth with Christ as king. As I really searched my heart, I noticed that the fear of death had always been present, but I was great at suppressing it. So, as I had to really start dealing with anxiety, the fear of death was brought to the forefront as the cause of it all.
"Ok, so why?" I kept asking myself. God revealed to me that even though I say I believe all of His Word, apparently I don't. There is unbelief in my heart. I can't see or come close to imagining the "afterlife" for eternity, and that freaks me out! So once again this points to my lack of trusting God. It seems like everything in life always gets back to the question, "Do you really trust God?" And, like all people, no I don't completely trust God....but He's working on me.
For the past couple weeks, I've been confessing my unbelief and asking God to show me how to overcome it. And He gave me the answer, which I had all the time, but this time I listened. Last Saturday afternoon, while I was putting laundry away, I was singing Holy, Holy, Holy, and the words just struck me as never before. I need to be focusing on our Holy God and knowing Him more fully. Too often the focus has been on myself, and that brings no comfort. The same day, I just happened to open to Psalm 78, which is a wonderful recount of how many time God delivered Israel in spite of their grumbling and constant idol worshipping. I thought to myself, "Man! That's our God right there, my God, my Deliverer...how could I ever doubt him?"
So, praise God for my anxiety and panic attacks! I'm serious, even though I hate going through them, I'm thankful for them because of how God's using them to conform me and sanctify me. He is our faithful God whose steadfast love endures forever!
All of the anxiety filled days and panic attacks have had an underlying theme. When I look deeper and really listen to why I'm feeling anxious or what started the panic attack, it is always thoughts of losing my health, which always lead to death. I had to ask myself why I was so afraid of dying. I'm a believer and I know the promises God has for me, for everlasting life in Heaven, and on the New Earth with Christ as king. As I really searched my heart, I noticed that the fear of death had always been present, but I was great at suppressing it. So, as I had to really start dealing with anxiety, the fear of death was brought to the forefront as the cause of it all.
"Ok, so why?" I kept asking myself. God revealed to me that even though I say I believe all of His Word, apparently I don't. There is unbelief in my heart. I can't see or come close to imagining the "afterlife" for eternity, and that freaks me out! So once again this points to my lack of trusting God. It seems like everything in life always gets back to the question, "Do you really trust God?" And, like all people, no I don't completely trust God....but He's working on me.
For the past couple weeks, I've been confessing my unbelief and asking God to show me how to overcome it. And He gave me the answer, which I had all the time, but this time I listened. Last Saturday afternoon, while I was putting laundry away, I was singing Holy, Holy, Holy, and the words just struck me as never before. I need to be focusing on our Holy God and knowing Him more fully. Too often the focus has been on myself, and that brings no comfort. The same day, I just happened to open to Psalm 78, which is a wonderful recount of how many time God delivered Israel in spite of their grumbling and constant idol worshipping. I thought to myself, "Man! That's our God right there, my God, my Deliverer...how could I ever doubt him?"
So, praise God for my anxiety and panic attacks! I'm serious, even though I hate going through them, I'm thankful for them because of how God's using them to conform me and sanctify me. He is our faithful God whose steadfast love endures forever!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Thanks
Thank you all for your prayers for Charles Robert. Thankfully, he hasn't had to have the delicate heart surgery yet, but he will need it in the next few weeks. Please continue to pray for the doctors and for his family.
Thank you all for your lovely comments and encouragement. They penetrate my soul in an uplifting way. Praying for all of you too!
Thank you all for your lovely comments and encouragement. They penetrate my soul in an uplifting way. Praying for all of you too!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Happy 4th to America and to Jonathan!
Happy Independence Day to America, and Happy 8 month Birthday to Jonathan! I can't believe it's been that long. This time last year, we were awaiting the results of my amniocentesis. How much easier that was! Sure, we were filled with angst, not knowing what to expect, but we still had hope that little Jonathan might live (on earth). Now, that the Lord has unfolded Jonathan's destiny, life is so different. No longer can I live on the surface or wear the masks our society so loves to put on. Fear, which often comes in the form of anxiety, sometimes grips me. Thoughts of my girls' lives being in danger, or dreams of us losing our girls enter my mind regularly. It's not that I really believe that will happen, but it's realizing that it could happen. Anything could happen. I am helpless and have absolutely no control in this world. If the Lord ordained it to come to pass, it will. The Lord's will be done on earth and in Heaven. Yes, it's harder for me to pray that prayer, knowing that His sovereign will can sometimes be so extremely difficult to accept.
Immersing myself in the Word, and prayer are the only ways to combat the fear. Last night, I laid down and thought I was ready to sleep, except I just felt nervous and uncomfortable and scared. I had to just talk to God and tell Him how I was feeling, confessed some things, and asked for His strength. I came to the conclusion that I had barely opened my bible in 2 days and I had on no armour to fight off the fear and anxiety.
That being said, isn't it ridiculous that I still wish I could go about my day, staying busy with the kids and household work, and running errands, all the while being oblivious to these things God is so overtly trying to teach me? That's my sin nature and my tendency to stuff things instead of dealing with them, I suppose. It's also because going through these life lessons and grieving is hard work and painfully tolling.
To all the T18 mommies, I am praying for you, in all the various stages you're going through. I have a prayer request to pass on. My dear friend's sister just had her first baby, who was expected to be healthy. Little Charles Robert (2 days old) was rushed into heart surgery yesterday morning. Please pray for this family and for Charles Robert. Thank You!
Immersing myself in the Word, and prayer are the only ways to combat the fear. Last night, I laid down and thought I was ready to sleep, except I just felt nervous and uncomfortable and scared. I had to just talk to God and tell Him how I was feeling, confessed some things, and asked for His strength. I came to the conclusion that I had barely opened my bible in 2 days and I had on no armour to fight off the fear and anxiety.
That being said, isn't it ridiculous that I still wish I could go about my day, staying busy with the kids and household work, and running errands, all the while being oblivious to these things God is so overtly trying to teach me? That's my sin nature and my tendency to stuff things instead of dealing with them, I suppose. It's also because going through these life lessons and grieving is hard work and painfully tolling.
To all the T18 mommies, I am praying for you, in all the various stages you're going through. I have a prayer request to pass on. My dear friend's sister just had her first baby, who was expected to be healthy. Little Charles Robert (2 days old) was rushed into heart surgery yesterday morning. Please pray for this family and for Charles Robert. Thank You!
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